


I'm real and I don't feel like boys

by Hellonightmares



Series: We are too fragile just to guess [1]
Category: The Office (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Canon Compliant, F/F, Lesbian Jim Halpert, well as close as it can get
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 19:13:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13196730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hellonightmares/pseuds/Hellonightmares
Summary: The first three seasons but with Jim as a girl





	I'm real and I don't feel like boys

**Author's Note:**

> The title if from Girls Like Girls by Hayley Kiyoko

It took a while for anyone at the office to find out that Jim was a lesbian, she never actually told anyone, but she dated Katy and then Karen, so they figured it out, it’s not that she’s ashamed of it, it was just none of their business. 

She hadn’t dated anyone in a while and it hadn’t crossed her mind because she’s busy with work and just life, until Pam. Pam started working at Dunder Mifflin three weeks after Jim did, she fell straight away, Pam was cute and funny and easy to talk to and Jim went about two weeks before finding out that she’s engaged. That fact didn’t stop Jim from becoming friends with her and it didn’t stop her crush from getting a little out of hand, but she knew nothing would ever happen between them. Jim felt a bit bad about not telling Pam about the whole lesbian thing, but she figured it would come up at some point, so she tried not to worry about it.

She started going by Jim when she was about 10, she never liked the name Jamie and just felt Jim fitted her better, it was her sister’s idea and Jim has been going by it ever since. Jim wasn’t the best at making friends but at school she had a really tight knit group until eleventh grade, they stop being friends with her because that’s when she came out. It took her a long time to accept the fact that she’s a lesbian but once she did she wasn’t ashamed and thought her friends would support her no matter what, so she came out to her parents who were okay with it so that gave her the courage to tell her friends. They really weren’t okay with it and threw all of her ‘crushes’ back in her face, she had always lay in bed thinking about who she has a crush on and thought that’s what everyone else did (Hugo in fourth grade because he was the only boy in the highest reading group with her and Reece in seventh grade who was quiet and once when they were partnered up in science class made her laugh).

It took a long time for Jim to accept who she was but that didn’t make it any less real, so she said good riddance to her friends and met a really nice girl who she dated for about four months and it was the best time of her life. Jim hadn’t really dated anyone since, she’d been out on dates, but nothing stuck, until Katy.

Katy came in to sell purses and Jim didn’t use purses, so she didn’t think about going into the conference room to talk to her -until the end of the day. The guys in the office were all over her and they didn’t even think about Jim and Jim didn’t think about Katy either because she was joking around with Pam, but Michael was so into her and Dwight too that Jim thought it would be silly not to give it a go. So, at the end of the day as Katy is packing up, she asks her out and Katy replies with a giggle and a ‘thank god, I didn’t know how to tell Michael that I’m not into dudes’. They leave together, and Michael was surprisingly cool about it, he left with a sad face and Jim couldn’t feel too bad about it.

Dating Katy was nice, she was fun and cute, and they had a good time together, but it wasn’t forever, Jim didn’t think either of them thought that it was a long-term thing. Honestly, probably the biggest thing to come out of dating Katy was Pam. When Pam found out she was dating Katy she stared acting kind of weird around Jim, not like she was grossed out by her -but more like she was curious.

Nothing really changed at work when Jim was dating Katy, Michael made a few inappropriate jokes and Dwight asked how she was going to have babies, Oscar gave her some looks that she couldn’t quite decipher and Pam (she doesn’t know what to say about her, Pam gave her these looks that really seem like she’s also into Jim but she’s with Roy and Jim’s with Katy and Pam’s straight, Jim had to drill those facts into her brain). That year’s dundies Pam got really drunk and kissed Jim and she just couldn’t forget about it. So many small moments that were seared into Jim’s mind, sometimes Pam looked at her for a little too long and it’s those moments that she couldn’t forget.

Jim really regretted telling Michael about her crush on Pam, she brought Katy on the booze cruise and it was nice but, fuck, she just couldn’t stop thinking about Pam (she never could). Katy was a cheerleader and she had nothing against cheerleaders, but Jim So wasn’t one (she had a boy’s name and never wore a dress -she was the opposite of a cheerleader) and she has been trying to push down her feelings for Pam but it’s hard. So, she told Michael and broke up with Katy.

It actually took Michael a while until he told people, Jim was impressed. But, he was Michael, so he told people and she could put up with the pitying glances and awkward conversations but Pam finding out was everything she had tried to avoid. Now that Jim thinks about it, no one in the office seemed that surprised about Jim liked girls (it was probably the short hair and how she never wore dresses or skirts) but when she was on the booze cruise, in front of everyone it felt different -good. When Jim dated her first girlfriend she was always too scared to go out and have dates outside their houses, which is why they broke up, but with Katy she felt surer of herself. It probably wasn’t about Katy, but Jim just felt surer of herself, she guesses that that’s what growing up is.

Jim really didn’t want Pam to find out (at least not like this) because Pam was honestly her best friend and she didn’t want to lose her, it would be weird, and she knows Pam is cool with the whole lesbian thing, but it would be different to be a straight girl having a girl like you, so Jim does everything she can to stop the information getting to Pam. But she ended up concluding that she would have to tell Pam before someone else did. So, Jim told her, and she was cool about it and Jim rambled a little and Pam said that she suspected that Jim had a crush on her and everything was okay, but she couldn’t help but be a little disappointed (in what, she didn’t know).

It didn’t really change anything between them, but Jim felt a little more self-conscious on how she acted around Pam. When they had a seminar for the female employees, Michael asked Jim if she wanted to come downstairs with the boys which honestly was pretty insulting, but she agreed just because he looked so awkward asking, and it turned out to be a bit of fun and no one brought up that she was a girl (sometimes Jim wonders if they even remembered).

Being gay hadn’t ever defined Jim, well, not before then. She had started to really embrace who she was after breaking up with Katy. So, she went to a gay bar. It had a really nice vibe and she spent about twenty minutes nursing a beer alone in a corner before a pretty girl with curly red hair that Jim couldn’t possibly tell you the name of struck up a conversation with Jim, they talked for a while and then the girl introduced Jim to her friends and overall it was a really nice night. She didn’t go home with anyone, but she made plans with the girl and her friends and knew she was going to go back to that bar.

Usually on Valentine’s Day Jim got Pam some kind of gag gift but that year she felt it would hit a little too close to home, Jim always did it because they were friends and she assumed Pam wouldn’t take it seriously, but she didn’t want to risk it that year. All day Phyllis received extravagant gifts and it just reminded Jim of how alone she was, which really wasn’t a good feeling. She also couldn’t help but notice Pam didn’t receive any gift which was absurd because Roy should have been showering her with flowers and teddy bears, Jim knows if she was dating Pam she would get Pam the damn moon if she could.

The day that Jim’s co-workers brought their daughters into work was the day that Jim decided to confess her love to Pam, she didn’t know when, but she knew if there was any chance that they would have a future together she needed to give it a try. Seeing the daughters and Meredith’s son made her realise that she really wants a family, it wasn’t something she had really thought about before but fuck she wanted it. Jim tried to figure out when and how she was going to do it, but she had always had trouble expressing how she felt, she tried practising it in the mirror but didn’t really get anywhere. She decided to try not to worry about it and hope the time presents itself.

Jim kind of missed Katy, well maybe not Katy in particular but maybe she just missed having someone to go to sleep with. She tried not to be that girl pining over a straight girl, although as time went on she was starting to feel that Pam wasn’t a straight as she previously assumed. She hung out with Pam at work as usual, pranked Dwight and rolled her eyes at Michael like always but she also went back to that bar and she didn’t see that girl again but she had a few one night stands, became friends with this guy who was a dentist and was fucking hilarious and she once she saw Oscar there (she didn’t go up to him and she didn’t know if he even saw her but honestly, it was good to know at least there was someone else queer in the office)

She didn’t plan to do it on casino night, she didn’t plan it at all. Jim was just having a good time and it just slipped out, she told Pam that she was in love with her and that she wanted to be more than friends and fuck it felt good to say but Pam didn’t say anything in reply except for the fact that she didn’t know what to say. The night was so nice, but Jim was in love with this girl and sick of being someone who didn’t do anything about it. So, she confessed, and she didn’t regret It per se, but she did wonder what was going to happen to them. And then she went back upstairs to the office and Pam was there and she couldn’t control herself for any longer and Pam kissed back, and it was glorious. 

She decided that that was the only goodbye that was needed, which might have been selfish, but Jim had been selfless for too long, so she kissed Pam and then she moved to the Stamford branch. Jim hadn’t had much communication with her old branch, she had left on a pretty sudden note, but one-day Michael and Dwight called her and asked her where to find a gaydar, she guessed they didn’t know any other gay people so she messed around with them for a but, it was actually really good to hear their voices. She had missed Michael’s semi-offensive humour and pranking Dwight. Mostly she missed Pam. She wanted to ask about Pam but didn’t, Jim wondered how she’s doing, how her and Roy were doing, if she even thought about the kiss still (the fact that she kissed back had been stuck in Jim’s brain since it happened) and mostly just how she was.

Jim’s new co-workers seemed alright, she wished Andy would stop calling her Big Tuna, Josh seems fine, but Karen was really nice and if she was in the headspace to date she would definitely think about Karen as an option. Even though Stamford was only about two and a half hours away from Scranton, it was just far enough that Jim had to move, which wasn’t that bad because her roommates had been getting on her nerves and she didn’t really have that many friends. She moved quickly and without much drama and here she was, living in a new city. 

She didn’t really know how to become a part of the city she now called home, so she went to her local coffee shop on the weekend and just kind of sat there, drinking coffee. Jim felt kind of silly, but she had a really good local coffee shop back in Scranton that she went to all the time, so it should work for here, right? It takes five visits before the barista asked if she’s new to the area, they talked for a bit and Jim made him laugh twice and he invited Jim to a party he was hosting the following Friday. The party was nice, and Jim really felt like she was going to be alright living here.

Jim started hanging out with Karen more, they messed around at work (once spending an entire day looking for some chips) and they hung out after work as well. They started by just going to a bar with some co-workers but soon it ends up being just them, Jim really liked Karen, she was nice and funny and sarcastic, and they got on well. It’s hard to say when hanging out turned into dating but at some point, they started doing more than go to the bar, they went to the movies and got dinner and walked to their cars after work together and it they fell together rather naturally. Jim thought it was Karen that made the first move, but she couldn’t be sure, they started kissing at the end of hanging out which you would classify as dates and they slept together not too long after they started kissing and overall it was really good.

And then the branch shut down

Well it didn’t really shut down, but It was unexpected, the rumour had been that Scranton was going to close down but now Jim had to move back. She felt kind of overwhelmed, but Karen made her feel better, she comforted her and made Jim promise to show her all the hotspots. So, the branches merged, and Jim got on the other side of town to where she used to live. She wasn’t sure how her new co-workers were going to get on with her old ones, but she was lowkey excited for it (mostly frustrated and nervous though).

It was weird packing up and moving back, Andy asked about Michael and Jim kind of wanted to make up some lie about what he was into but Michael’s enough of a character by himself that she told Andy that he just needed to meet him. Jim wondered if Pam was excited to see her again, or maybe she didn’t want to see her because she wasn’t cool with the kiss and confession (although she kissed back, it could’ve just been a reflex -except Jim didn’t believe that). Except Jim shouldn’t have been caring about Pam because she was seeing Karen, sort of. They hadn’t defined the relationship yet, but it was going well, and Jim cared about Karen, so she should’ve gotten Pam out of her head.

When Jim got there, she was distant with Pam and told her that she didn’t want to prank Dwight anymore, she thought distance was the way to go. It was really strange seeing the two branches become one. As Jim was leaving and getting into her car, Karen called, and they planned to meet for a drink later and she felt excited because she liked Karen and it was a coincidence that Pam was leaving at the same time, so she went up to her and they made awkward conversation and Jim told her about seeing someone and Pam seemed totally fine with it, and wow Jim shouldn’t have cared and it was fucked up that she cared but she wanted Pam to be jealous.

Everything was going really well with Karen and Jim was doing fine at work, things were kind of perfect. And then, Pam and Karen became friends, it was around Christmas time and they were planning a party, Jim didn’t know the details, but they seemed pretty friendly and it was a little unnerving. As her Christmas present Pam got her a really great pranking opportunity but Jim turned it down and she felt really bad about it, but she felt like there was a chance to start over, so she took it. Christmas was nice, there were two parties and Jim went to the one thrown by Karen and Pam and it was a lot of fun. Michael took a few employees out to lunch and Jim messed with Dwight a bit and it felt different than accepting Pam’s offer, but she realised her feelings must have been getting in the way, so she got on board with Pam’s prank and it made her feel all warm and fuzzy.

Karen had been living in a hotel and it was really time for her to find a real place to live, but when she suggested a house two blocks away from Jim’s house she kind of freaked out. Karen got mad at her for not being cool with it, but it almost would’ve been like they were living together, and Jim really wasn’t ready for that. Later on, Jim talked to Pam about it and she made some really good points but mostly it was just nice to talk to Pam again, she hadn’t realised how much she had missed her. She apologised to Karen and told her that she should feel free to move in there, but she knew the whole situation didn’t help their relationship.

Dwight never said anything about Jim being a girl, but she always knew that he thought less of her for it, she could tell by the subtle hints that Dwight would have preferred a male sales partner, despite that, they worked well together and excelled in making sales calls. So, when they were put together for he first time in years they knew what to do. Karen found out from Phyllis that she used to have feelings for Pam and god, Jim really wanted her to never find out about that. All she could do was swear that she didn’t have feelings for her anymore, but she wasn’t sure if Karen believed her (she wasn’t sure if she believed herself either).

Jim started to hang out with Pam more at work again, they joked around and had fun together, Andy was a fun new victim to pull pranks on until he got so angry he punched a hole in the wall. All the hanging out with Pam made her realise that she definitely still had feelings for Pam so when Karen asked she had to say yes. She wasn’t sure where things were going to go from there because she did genuinely care about Karen and enjoyed spending time with her, but Karen deserved more.

The office held a bridal shower and bachelor party for Phyllis and Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration’s and Michael insisted that she come to the bachelor party, which was a little offensive, but she got it. Jim was in charge of hiring a stripper for the bridal shower but really didn’t feel comfortable doing that, so she hired a Benjamin Franklin impersonator and kind of wished she was going to be there to see the girls’ confused faces. Dwight hires an actual stripper for the boys (and Jim) and it was just as awkward as you would imagine, they end up putting her to actual work upstairs to make use of her hours.

Jim still hadn’t broken up with Karen, she wasn’t sure how to do it or even if she should do it, yes, she still had feelings for Pam, but she wasn’t going to date her or anything and she cared and really liked Karen. At a cocktail party hosted by David Wallace, Karen spends the whole night telling Jim that half the women there were her ex-girlfriends and Jim falls for it for a while and was reminded of how much she liked Karen. Later on, David Wallace invited Jim to play basketball and it was nice, she used to play in high school (she was the only girl on the team and she kicked ass) and it was nice, David was a good dude. Even though the evening was a work event it turned out really nice.

One morning Roy attacked Jim, amazingly Dwight saved her using pepper spray he had hidden in the office, Jim wasn’t sure what to do and wasn’t sure why he attacked. She later found out that Roy found out that Jim had kissed Pam. Pam apologised for Roy and Jim accepts it but, honestly, she didn’t know why Pam told him then. Jim tried all day to thank Dwight for what he did, but he refused to accept Jim’s gratitude which just made her feel guiltier for all the pranks that she had pulled over the years. She wasn’t really sure what to do other than just be on her best behaviour.

Beach day started off fun and silly but once it was revealed that there was a hidden goal, it became kind competitive and weird. Dwight and Andy were right into it and Stanley was for a while, Jim tried to get into it but it all felt a but stupid, especially as later in the day she got a call from corporate about interviewing for the job. Karen also got a call about the job and she wondered what would happen to their relationship if either of them actually got the job. Jim hardly even considered doing the coal walk, why would she walk across hot coal to get a job that’s not even guaranteed. No one did it, so they went and sat in a circle and talked about nothing in particular. And then Pam ran over to the circle and says she did it -which wow, that was impressive – and makes a whole speech about how she missed being friends with Jim and how everyone kind of treated her like crap around the office. Jim wasn’t sure if she should say anything, so she just let Pam say her stuff and honestly, she was proud of Pam for saying that because people often ignored her, and stuff and Jim really missed her too. Jim and Pam later have a conversation and catch up and it was really nice and good, she had really missed talking with Pam.

Jim and Karen went down to New York together for their interviews, they had really nice time in the city and she started to hope that neither of them would get the job but when Karen talked about moving down here if the other one got the job, Jim couldn’t agree because she didn’t know if she could do that. That made the rest of the trip kind of awkward. Her meeting was going really well until Jim looked in her bag and found the yoghurt lid medal that she and Pam made, and she couldn’t think about anything but Pam, she thought about why she wouldn’t be able to stay in New York if Karen got the job and she thought about Pam, joking with her and spending time with her and she thought, screw it, and after the meeting she broke up with Karen. Jim felt bad but not bad enough, she drove straight back to Scranton and asked down Pam with no hesitation.

Jim just went on her first date with Pam and it was as good as she imagined, actually it was better. It was a little awkward because they had hyped it up in their heads so much but, fuck, it was so good. Jim isn’t sure if things are going to work out, but she’s got a good feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if you want Pam's pov


End file.
